My love for you is true, a tattoo...

I know, I know, I haven't updated this little thing in forever. But better late than never, right? So yesterday was my 18th birthday, even though it didn't feel like it, it was. Of course, being the legal age you're allowed to do a lot, for instance get a tattoo; which is exactly what I did. Even since I was about 11 or 12, I've been madly in love with the band Rancid. So what did I do yesterday? Spent my whole day in a tattoo shop getting RANCID across my back. A lot of my friends ask "do you regret it?" Fuck no. But if I knew the pain was that bad, I don't know if I would go back in time and get it done there. I am still sore as fuck and cannot do much with my arms, let alone sleep.

This tattoo will always be on my back, but there are no regrets. Until the day I am a little old lady in the nursing home, Rancid will be on my back. And there is a reason for the placement, may I add. When I was a lot younger, I went through a lot of shit. Let's call it, my "darker days." I was miserable, but there was always one thing that got my through and had my back...and it was Rancid. Whenever I am upset, I turn on Rancid. There is something about them that protects me and makes me feel safe. I really don't know what it is, from the moment I saw Fall Back Down on TV back in '03, I knew I was in love. I didn't realize how special they were to me back then, nor did I think I'd get them tattooed on my back when I turn 18, but I did.

I used to walk around town at 1 in the morning, meeting up with my best friend, catching the next bus. I would get scared, I dunno of what, but I would turn on Rancid and feel safe. They've helped me out through all my bad times, no matter what it was. Family problems, having my heart broken, just feeling like shit in general, their music was always there for me to help me. I could never begin to thank them enough.

All the times I've seen them play live, it's like magic. It's something that I can't describe. I remember seeing them for the first time and my smile could not leave my face. Then a few nights later in the city, breaking my fucking nose. Shit, I can't even name all the shit. So this blog is dedicated to Rancid, just like my back will be, forever. Thank you, Rancid...I know I won't regret you, ever.

What's in your purse?

1. My Alice in Wonderland makeup case, including: Lash extender, Avon mascara, MAC mascara, lash curler, Burt's Bees chapstick, Kat Von D lipstick, Kat Von D liquid eyeliner, mini chapstick, glittery eyeshadow, Avon foundation, and a Milani eyeliner stick.

2. The Five People You Meet in Heaven book.

3. A flyer to a show.

4. A map of Los Angeles and Hollywood.

5. Rocky Horror promotion flyers.

6. About 4 metrocards.

7. A bottle of hand lotion.

8. Holiday Punch Lip Smackers chapstick.

9. My wallet: $21; mad change, Rita's cool card, credit card, gift cards, my driver's liscense, movie tickets.

10. A dollar bill, which I should put into my wallet.

11. A pack of Marlboro Lights.

12. About 3 pens.

13. My calendar booklet.

14. My keyring.

15. My CD player, including: Rancid's Let the Dominoes Fall.

16. Sam's ipod.

17. True Match foundation, my favorite.

18. Glittery pink nailpolish.

19. A Sephora mirror.

20. My padlock necklace.

21. A chocolate tootsie pop wrapper.

22. A white contact case.

23. A few safety pins.

24. A few tickets from shows, including: Bamboozle, The Stun Gunz, and Street Dogs.

25. A bunch of hair clips.


So yes, there is it. I'm not so sure how everything fits, considering the size of my purse is on the small size. I also tossed everything back into my purse, not cleaning it out whatsoever.

Things I like/love

I made an entry on things I don't like. So let's be positive. Here is a list of things I really love and like and things that make me happy.

1. I like music more than anything and anyone. It will always be first in my life.
2. I like really hot weather.
3. I like my CD player more than an ipod.
4. I like going to shows, especially really good ones.
5. I like being dirty and gross, honestly.
6. I like not showering for about a week. It's the best feeling. I don't care what you think.
7. I like meeting new, interesting people.
8. I like real, non-pretentious people.
9. I like homosexuals more than straight people, really.
10. I like reading a lot.
11. I like people who share common interests with me.
12. I like people who have a lot of flaws.
13. I like fuck ups.
14. I like Mexican food.
15. I like straightening my hair.
16. I like not eating and feeling starved.
17. I like looking up what my dreams mean the next day after having them.
18. I like organic chocolate milk.
19. I like Los Angeles, California and plan on living there in a few years.
20. I like Rita's Italian Ice more than I should and go once a week.
21. I like dying my hair.
22. I like walking around my house naked.
23. I like being in big cities.
24. I like street art.
25. I like flip flops and wear them everywhere, no matter where I am going.
26. I like tattoos and I think they are the most beautiful thing I person could put on their skin.
27. I like having serious, intense discussions with random people.
28. I like laughing. It's part of my daily routine.

20 things I don't like...

Recently, I have been really positive and friendly. It has gotten me far, actually. But there is still a bunch of shit that bothers me, so here it is....

1.I don't like my natural hair
2.I don't like where I live
3.I don't like milk
4.I don't like being late
5.I don't like stupid television shows
6.I don't like showering
7.I don't like canceled plans
8.I don't like liars
9.I don't like fake people
10.I don't like spiders
11.I don't like people who judge people on appearance
12.I don't like the cold
13.I don't like the snow
14.I don't like food
15.I don't like crying
16.I don't like wasting time(in a bad way), especially over stupid guys
17.I don't like when my pants rip
18.I don't like missing good shows
19.I don't like the person I was from October-February
20.I don't like when people or things I like change

All Good Things Come To an End

One of my earlier posts mentioned that "nothing lasts forever." I was proved right. That's right, something I thought could have lasted a lifetime ended about two weeks ago. Yep, the breakup. I want to clear it up, I do not blame him in anyway and it is definitely not his fault. Yes, he is the one who ended it, but I don't blame him.

We grew apart. There's really nothing you can do to stop someone's feelings; as much as I wish there was. Relationships are just like toys really. You find a brand new one, you leave the old one behind. You get sick of the old toy and there is a better one waiting for you there. Well, I was the old boring toy that was left alone in the dust. I know that sounds harsh, but that is the best way to sum it all up.

An old saying is "if you love something, let it go. If it's meant to be, it'll come back." I can wait for a while for him to come back, but not forever. If he moves on, I have no other option. It hurts so bad inside to know that the feelings are no longer mutual, but I'll be okay in the end. It also isn't good to force someone in a relationship, what is the point of that anyway? I get really upset thinking about it because I miss him so much; it shouldn't be healthy.

He claims to still like me and that he isn't over me. That may be so, but I know he has moved on. I guess I have to face the face that I have to move on as well now. There are plenty of other fish in the sea for this mermaid, but I wish he could be that fish. Oh well, there is nothing else I can do besides bitch and complain about the whole breakup. If it's meant to be, it will find it's way.

I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone

I don't really know how I should begin expressing my feelings towards this book. It was beyond words can say, honestly. For those of you that know me personally, I am a very picky reader. If there is something wrong with the book, I automatically won't like it. There might have been a few things about this book that bothered me, but it was the first book like that that I absolutely loved.

I Wanna be Your Joey Ramone by Stephanie Kuehnert took me about a whole week to read. I'm actually very surprised it took me that long to read. Once you are into the core of the book, you seriously can not put it down; you want to know the reasoning of everything. It is an on going cliff-hanger until the end of the book. This is the kind of book that is rare to find, not in stores. I mean the whole story line and idea of the book.

Though, this book in only fiction, I can relate each character to someone I know in real like. I think that is why this book is so special to me, I can relate to it in so many ways. Loss, heartbreak, pain, and especially the music. This book reminded me how much music means to me and will always be there for me. For awhile, I think I lost that love for music and I am more than happy that it is back.

I recomend this book to everyone who is involved in the punk scene. Even if you aren't, it is still an incredible book to read. You can feel Emily Black, the main character's, emotions. You almost admire her ways at the end of the book. For those of you that hate reading or just can't do it, I think you will finish this book and actually enjoy it aswell. It is for all those music lovers and the people who were ever involved in emotion abuse.