Change

Those who know me, know that I hate change. Change makes me feel like shit, I hate new things. But honestly, I think it's time for me to change. For the past six years I've been the same childish person. I'm growing up and starting to realize everything changes. Even though I hate to admit it, it's true.
Growing up is just a part of life. There is nothing I can do to stop it, as much as I wish there were. I'm seventeen years old now and I need to grow up. I can't act like I'm thirteen anymore. It really breaks my heart to write this because I hate facing change and I am basically going against everything I used to believe in.
Recently, I've been trying my hardest to ignore the fact that I need to change myself. I've been doing everything I've done years ago just to make sure that nothing is different, but it's so hard to do that when everyone else just moved on. I'm stuck here alone and I have no idea what to do. I'm so lost here. I don't understand how I can't wait to get out of here, but at the same time, I want to go back to the past where I didn't care about anything. Everything is changing and I can't deal with it.
I miss everything and everyone I used to be close with. But most of them left me and found better lives. Everyone else moved on, while I'm still stuck in the same place. I miss my old friends. My new ones are greats, but it's not the same. I miss my cat more than anyone, even though I have two others, he was my first cat. I miss going to the mall, even though I hate shopping. I miss the way my life was four or five years ago, even though I was only thirteen or fourteen. I'd do anything to go back...

Backstabbers

Backstabbers are everywhere, they are seriously impossible to get away from. Recently a handful of friends of mine have been facing it without knowing. I mention it sometimes, but they usually don't listen to me. I don't understand why it is so much fun to go behind your "friends" and fuck them over. I haven't been dealing with it lately, but who knows. Everyone loves talking shit and I'm tired of it.
Arrite, I understand that everyone says something hurtful about someone once in awhile, even I do. I'm not going to lie, there has so much shit that used to come out of my mouth with a certain person, but you know what, I'm done. I've stopped awhile ago. And if I'm annoyed with someone or something they do, I say it to their face. I am done with fake bitches and I'm done with backstabbing. It hurts and no one deserves it, even if you hate them.
I haven't dealed with backstabbing in a while, but you never know, someone can be exploiting my name right now as I write this. What bothers me is that my friends have been going through it. I said something to one today so she doesn't get hurt like always. If you recently said something negative to someone, think it over and let them know how you feel. Seriously, grow a pair of balls and say it to their face.

Every Death is a New Beginning

I really don't know how to put this, but my cat died recently. I had no idea until today, actually. He died on Thursday, October 2...the day after my birthday, the same day I originally got him in the first place when I was six years old. My mom told me today because she didn't want to ruin my trip in California. I am actually really upset about this, but on a better note something new was born today, lucky for that person.
I try not to think about it, but I can't help it. What can I say, I grew really attached to that cat. The ironic thing is, I recently started to tell myself not to get attached to anything, because it will lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Everything, and I mean everything, will end up leaving you in the end, trust me. It's sad to say, but nothing lasts forever. I guess this is it, though. There is nothing I can really do about death, right? I can't make him return from the dead and I can't replace him either because there is no one else like him out there.
Cats to me are like people. I actually would rather put up with cats than people. They each have their own personality and are all different. That cat meant so much to me. If you do not own a cat, you will not understand how I feel, but if you do, you can't tell me otherwise. I guess the whole point of this blog was for even me to realize how surprising the world really is...

First Blog, yet

So, here it is. A fresh new start. I always loved to blog and I guess myspace just isn't the place for it, eh? I mean, I have a livejournal, but I guess I just wanted something new. I will still be using my livejournal and whatnot, 'cause let's face it, my livejournal has my life in written in there. This, I suppose will just be for thoughts and feelings towards certain subjects.